Going through some difficult times, so I mediate on the Word of God:
"The Lord is my light and my salvation — whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life — of whom shall I be afraid?" (Psalm 27:1)
"(...) Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (Nehemiah 8:10)
I am living through some difficult conditions at the moment. They weigh heavy on my mind and heart and it is affecting my physical body as well. I know its an attack. But I don't know who to reach out to. I don't know who to share this burden with. So, I turn to God and share it with Him. He is the one I can fully cast my load upon. Time and time again, He has shown me that I can.
"My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust," (Psalm 91:2).
Cast your cares and your worries on the Lord because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). It's hard to please others. It's hard to find grace in the presence of those that are always searching for something wrong in a situation or in a person whether that be inadvertently or not. But you know who doesn't do that? God. God doesn't do that and He does not require anything of us. We may come as we are, and He loves us there, in that place, so tenderly. And if we are in need of change, He helps us do that, without making us feel incompentent or unloved. I've come to realize that only God can handle us when it comes to our human condition. We are all different. Different in different ways.
As Christians, the basis is that we are already different; set apart (Romans 12:2). Some of us, though, in this context, have been dealt a life residing on the more extreme side of things. I dare mention Paul, David, Isaiah in relation to this. Yes, there were others that lived dedicated to the Lord, but I want to cast my attention on these three men at the moment. They were called to be different and the life God called them to live was extreme in nature. Chosen for a higher calling. I am absolutely not saying that one person is lesser than the other. It is simply a different way of life. And sometimes, as humans, we have problems with "different." Especially if the person called to live differently is our child who we raised to be a certain way, who now suddenly does not fit the mold we want them to fit.
Hive mentality never helps in situations like this; when your family, and your friends, and your church, all share the same thoughts and hold onto the same values just because that's the way things have always been. That makes it challenging for the next generation to change something should God call them to. I am not a liberal, nor will I ever be a liberal, but in cases like this, "non-comformity" is the only word I can think of that fits. People called to change, have to be non-conformists. This is difficult because when you have multitudes of people standing on well-established laws of the land, how are you to convince them that you cannot stand there, lest it kill you. It prevents you from growth and you can feel yourself suffocating in a box of a certian size that you are dying to outgrow.
Things have been eating away at me slowly. I have 100% asked myself, "Why can't I just be obedient and conform. Just do what you're supposed to do, Laura." But that is exactly my problem. It feels wrong to just do that. It feels like there is more. There has to be more. I find myself wanting to do other things. I feel restless. But whenever I do try taking steps toward more, I am pulled back, stripped of my peace, condemned even. What do I do then? I want to honor others and be obedient, but even when I am and do everything I am supposed to, even when I try, it doesn't feel like enough. It's never enough. And staying in that box doesn't feel right.
But I come to Him who I am enough for. He who tells me, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast," (Ephesians 2:8-9). I make sure to remember James 2:26 as well because it is important to note: "As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead." So, it's not that we will sit idly by, no—and that isn't my intent regardless—but it is good to keep this in mind: Our accomplishments do not determine God's love for us just as much as it does not determine our salvation. Contrary to humans, God is not disappointed when we stumble. In fact, He's already factored all of that in when He sent His Son down to die for us, for that very reason: Our shortcomings. This is great news, but I am personally still left with the question:
What do I do when all I do is obey Proverbs 3:3-4 and I do not feel fulfilled. Am I still putting too much importance on the wanting to please my parents part? I have even contemplated moving out because it feels like a cycle that won't break until I force it to break. That doesn't feel right either though. Perhaps this is an endurance test. In the meantime, I will lean on the Lord.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
I know so many people who are truly talented and have used it to share their faith. It is a wonder God has placed so much in their hands. I praise the Lord for it! Every time someone uses their exceptional gifts for Christ, it's a win for the Kingdom. What is really troublesome though, is when we focus so much on the work, that we neglect ourselves as the vessel. We tend to lose ourselves. It's normal for many. We are Christ-like in our work by sacrifing, serving, expanding our knwoledge and furthering our skills.
"I lose myself in my work" is an idiom that according to Webster's dictionary means, "to give all one's attention or thought to something." We get so distracted in the work of our hands that we forget that the person those hands are connected to should be Christ-like at the same time.
It is good to ask ourselves a series of questions, lest we fall victim to our adversary (1 Peter 5:8):
1. What is my character?
2. Who am I for others? What do I say, how do I react, and what do I think?
3. How am I expressing myself?
Are we being loving in the things we say and do? (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). Am I full of pride? (Proverbs 16:5). Am I speaking life or am I speaking death over myself and others? (Proverbs 18:21). Would I say this if God were in the room (because He is)? Would I do this if God were in the room (because He is)? The most famous question of all: What would Jesus do?
These questions can often reach uncomfortable depths. And that is ok. God is a God of the depths. Sometimes, we're provoked to serious conversations with ourselves. When these kind of topics come about, involve the Holy Spirit. This is one of His many specialties! He is an excellent listener. He helps us discern. He is our comforter and our friend. He is our guide.
Sometimes, the only person stopping us from getting better and growing, is ourselves. But how great is it that God is a God of renewal and transformation! He restores us when we're broken. He is our refuge and protection when we're in danger. Through the process He is our identity. He is our confidence. He is our joy. He is our peace.
"This is what the Lord says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.'" (Jeremiah 17:5, NIV)
It sounds harsh to say that I trust in no one especially when I have parents, siblings, and a partner who would be there for me through thick and thin. I would do the same for them. I would like to emphasize though, that trust does not equate to love. As humans who fail (Jeremiah 17:5, Psalm 27:10), it is important to learn to love within boundaries.
The Word of God says,
"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on the these two commandments.'" (Matthew 22:37-40)
Notice there are two seperate requirements for both respectively.
We are to love God: With ALL our soul and ALL our mind.
We are to love our neighbor: As we love ourselves.
Why can't we love our neighbor with all our soul and all our mind and why can't we love God as we love ourselves.
Two reasons:
1. God should be first in our lives. He should be put above all things in all things. He isn't like anyone or anything else, and should always hold His own place in our lives — the highest place.
2. We are human and we fail. It is inevitable because of our flesh's desires versus our spirit's desires. Our hearts are decietful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9), so we must constantly train ourselves to submit and obey God and His Word. As humans, our flesh naturally makes us want to go against His Word. We fail in loving others often because we fail in love ourselves. The good news is that God knows this already. What He smiles down upon is us relying on His strength to help us and making the decision to obey His commands. He is pleased when we are intentional and try our best.
Society today doesn't have the best track record when it comes to mental health. And according to the National Institute of Mental Health, in recent years, we have seen an increase in mental illness, especially among young adults. So, it's safe to say that a lot of people may not qualify in the "I truly love myself" department. So many people just aren't satisfied with who they are, so they seek to change some part of themselves to better fit the image they have in their head; some people going so far as to change their entire gender identity to fit their feelings. There are a lot of factors that come into play here. Identity isn't a gender issue, it is a find Christ issue.
"'I have the right to do anything,' you say—but not everything is beneficial. 'I have the right to do anything'—but not everything is constructive." (1 Corinthians 10:23)
We shouuld be picky about what we allow ourselves to say and do and have. If we love ourselves, we should want to take care of our body by eating well, drinking water, exercising. All very basic things, but they play a big part long-term. We should be putting boundaries on ourselves every day—I am not going to stay up past this time. I am not going to eat this kind of food. I am not going to hang out with this person, etc. You can absolutely do these things, but it may not be good for you.
So, if we put boundaries on ourselves because we love ourselves and want what's best for our own mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health, we should also set boundaries toward others as well. Always taking Scripture into account. In this case, Matthew 22:39. Limit what others do and say to you. You allow those things. Say, "I love you, but can you refrain from speaking like that around me?" Say, "I love you but please don't talk to me that way." Say, "I love you, but can you refrain from acting like that around me?" Say, "I love you, but I can't allow you to treat me that way."
We often have the wrong view of love and think that because we love someone, we should let them overstep limits we have set, or even eliminate a boundary line entirely, but that is quite the opposite of love. That is neglect.
Take a look at yourself and develop boundaries because they are healthy. Boundaries are needed.
It really just comes down to one word: Entitlement.
Everyone claims to know it. Everyone either is Christian or was at some point in time, so in their mind, they have some sort of license to mock it or "correct" it. But Christianity isn't a subject in school like say, math or english. What many people fail to understand, especially those on the other side of the faith fence, is that Christianity is a relationship. I don't know how many times we have to say it. At this point, I don't expect someone who hasn't experienced it to even understand so I kind of get why it's so difficult for some. Even more so those that don't even want to breathe in the general direction of "just try it."
It's so sad — the transparent love that they are missing just because someone as lowly as a human hurt them. Humans won't eveR come close to being like the Father. As much as we TRY to be like Jesus, which we strive for every day, we're just too imperfect. And in realizing this, we understand that's the whole point. The whole point is that we need Him. It's not about us feeling bad about ourselves, it's about realizing that we can have every good thing even though we're such imperfect beings, and anything outside of that mindset isn't confidence, it's narcissism.
God is the purest form of love I've EVER tasted and seen for myself. Not because someone told me. Not because I've had second hand shop experience. I've had many chances to leave the faith. Actually, I would've left the church establishment by now thanks to the wonderful humanity of others. The thing is though, I don't serve them. I don't go to church for them. I don't read my Bible because everyone else at my church does it, or even because it's the "right" thing to do (even though it is). I do everything because I love God and I want to know Him and be as close to Him as I can. It's me and God in the end afterall. God was never and never will be to blame for the evils of this world. We as humans do what we want because we can. We hurt others intentionally and unintentionally.
God is kind. God is loving. He is merciful and gracious and I have tasted and seen it myself. Anything outside of that, isn't God's fault. And I will die on this hill. I love Him. And because of His son, Jesus, I have a second chance at true life. We've truly ruined this one with our own hands.
