ready

I am almost 30. 

The winds of time have spit me out 
into the outskirts of a land I once knew. 
They have banished me far too quickly. 

In a daze, I am beckoned by passing trains. 
I am afraid 
to leave it all behind — my youth. 
But I know that I must. I cannot go back.  

Everything moves forward. 
I am being left behind. 
I haven't invested. 
Did I coordinate my time? 
Did I plan things correctly? 

What is it that I have to show for all these years I wasted. 

I saw on the horizon, 
a bird calling to me. 
It primped and preened its feathers through its beak 
and in that moment, I wondered, how long it had been 
since I started preparing 
to leave, 
to fly. 

How much time 
have I wasted 
in idle preparation? 
Adjusting, pruning, cleaning myself up 
to be presentable enough for the public eye. 

O, Lord, 
how patient You have been with me. 

I want to feel alive. 
Right now, I am just living. 

It has taken too long for me to realize 
that God has already given me His, "Yes." 

In Him, I can put my trrust, 
that all things will work out. 

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord, 
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope, and a future.'"

I never wanted to grow up.
I'm almost 30 
but for the first time, I want to be. 

- April 16, 2025